Is it possible to have many loves in one lifetime?
I ask myself that question quite often. As I reflect on my 28 years of life I can't help but wonder if what these guys say is true.
I never knew the impact I have ha on these gentleman until now. Each one of these men have all searched, dated and been engaged but are single today as am I.
I'm referring to 3 men from my past. All which I have loved at different parts of my youth. All from different places in America. From Boston, Chicago and New York. None born in Alabama.
I began to wonder if love is true and why does it keep haunting me day to day...
New York has never forgiven me. I broke up with him because he decided to fight in Bush's war. I was a strong advocate against it so we parted ways when he left for Afghanistan.
Boston was smart, intelligent but fell into the oppressions of African American men. He believed stereotypes and perpetuated all of them. He dropped out of school and broke my heart because he wasn't man enough to be with a real woman. He regrets that moment to this day.
Last my Chicago love. We have only kissed 2 times in the last 15 years. I saw him in a brownstone and his beautiful smile caught my eye. He tried so hard to get my attention but I ignored him. We wouldn't communicate till a few years later in Atlanta. I saw him at a relatives bday pool party. He remembered me and wanted my number, he wasn't going to let another day go by and we not talk. That day in the hallway when he handed me his phone number he kissed me and I knew then I really loved him. But time was never on our side. Like I said before it's been 15 years. We lost touch and didn't find each other again till Facebook was created but by that time we were damaged goods. He the Playboy and me the Playgurl.
To this day I wonder what ifs with him but never have sought out the outcome. He ha hurt me too but no matter what he does I still have that school girl crush on him that has never gone away. I know he cares for me he always has but living your life dangerously can put a toll on a relationship.
But only time will tell as I approach the end of my 28 years and began my journey into my 30's I will have to really analyze what I want in life.